Today was a thinking day. Spent most of the day alone. Being very people orientated , that's not normal of me -- to be in a daze and ramble on why things are meant to be the way they are and other useless things which are never meant to be understood. I feel chained. Chained by my thoughts. I realised that i really cannot work with people who like to dominate. People who hate it when they are not in control of a situation. i try and i try but i can't seem to connect with such people and whenever something clashes , the image of that person in my eyes is deterred. I hate it..why can't i love people for who they are. I guess it was drilled in me to hate people that looked down on me ever since i was young. i know i look okay on the outside..but inside me..there's a war going on.
I met beachball, sammy (the recently ordained hunk of JI) and tim for coffee after work today. It was good..havent spoken to them in ages. Beachball was again plagued by problems but this time , he's upgraded. I wouldnt really say upgraded but well..somewhere there. Instead of complaining about how this and that , he has found love! true love in fact. Don't go making fun of him yall...haha
Dinner was marvelous. Had dinner with some relatives i haven't seen for years. Age gap is really wide..i just looked around and it made me think what i would be doing like say, 10 years from now... man that was a scary thought..alright..gotta go.late. Peace*



-beanbag

Uneventful, such was today. I hung my head as I walked the corridors of classrooms, moving from one to the next through transitions of lessons. I didn’t feel like conversing with anyone, nor did I feel like listening too.

Someone taking the place next to me remarked that I was “dead” today. Well, perhaps I’m already dead but don’t just know it yet.

So here I sit now, trying desperately to advise Alvis on his budding relationship with someone. I don’t have the wisdom he might require in this area, but I just gave my two-cents worth, hoping that it would make a mite of difference. Everyone around me just seems to be crushing on someone or have someone crushing on him or her. I just stand by the sidelines, watching these young relationships develop, fold or flop. Sad that I cannot but just be a part of this cycle for a single moment.

- Tim

The air seems colder than usual today. Everywhere i go i feel it...like some aura slowly engulfing me. The ambience is somehow stale and stagnant totally in contrast to what it's supposed to be - joyous , celebration , red lanterns and silly dancing all over the place.
Raindrops hit the groun gently as the 61takes me on a bumpy journey towards home. All is silent and still except for a couple chattering away in chinese and the monotonous rumbling of the engine. Everyone seems to be a dull and stony mood. All consumed by their own world..plaged by the problems of this world. They say this is the year of the goat and it'll be a peaceful year. Bah..I never took heed to superstition but this seems differrent. People just arn't making noise. i know i shouldn't take " peaceful " in the literal sense but it really does seem that way. They look lost. Helpless.
Although i'm not much of a tradionalist , i visited four homes today and even endulged in the "orange exchange" nonsense. I guess one should not forget his roots and straying from tradition is rebellion of some sort..denying your identity. In the eyes of old chaps that is... I'm trying to cut away my wrong mindset that chinese new year is all about red packets and money. I have no idea where blessing your family members went...oh well *sighs
I missed church today. Overslept. haha..feeling kinda guilty....oh alright...gotta run...Later~

-beanbag