Stuck in my seat, with the e4 question written down, i blanked out. All i wanted to do was to sit there and cry. Laugh at how stupid i've become. Or rather , have always been. Gape at the horror of it happening at the 'A' levels and sigh at the nothingness i could achieve. But what could I do? I always wondered what it felt like to blank out and even questioned the existence of such a concept. You can forget yes...but totally lose all in an instant? I finally understood the indescrible emotions that go through a weaker candidate as he sits there stumped looking at the brighter ones scribbling away. Not even able to feel the sense of acomplishment frmo merely completing the question. The hardest part was the suppression of the fact that the result will be an 'F' and act as if everything was normal straight after that. They plead indifference, but i beg to differ. Inside, they are burning...

The revisions have not been going too well. I feel lost and beaten. Not knowing where or how to start, i go through everyday struggling to breathe. The euphemistic notion of how it will all be okay at the 'A' levels is slowly fading away. I think, on results day next year, what would hurt the most would not be the results i receive, or everybody else's....but rather how much more i could have achieved.